Hollywood

Why do I always get compared to someone else who is so much different then I am? Why is it that once I do something wrong, is the moment I get yelled at? Why is it that I am always getting yelled at for doing one thing and not doing another?

These are questions I ask myself when I am getting yelled at. I am always getting compared to those that are doing better or worse then me. I am never getting compared to someone doing what Im doing. Its annoying to think this. How I disappoint my parents so easily for mistakes I didnt mean to make. Im always getting blamed for everything that isnt going right in my families life. How we are so tight on money, how I havent found a job yet. Stupid things that I cant control. But all I can really do is nod my head and walk away from when I am getting yelled at…. Im done with being the person that they blame on everything.

Im just done….

Just thinking about everything that has been going on in my life. From my family to whats going on around me right now. Thinking about what I have heard other people call me as well as the amount of drama I have been through. Its crazy to think that after a year away from home, I have manage to let drama control my life in a totally different state. I just dont understand how drama follows me everywhere that I go. From something so small as name calling to having the cops called on me for somethign that was so stupid that didnt even involve me. In just one school year, I have been called every name in the book but yet I have grown from that.

I have learned ever since I was little, it doesnt matter what others think of you, it matters on how you see yourself and that is what truely matters then anything that anyone has to say. Growing up with all guy cousins as well as being the only granddaughter on my mom side, you learn that it doesnt matter what you have been through or what name you have been called, it matters on how your family sees you as well as how you see yourself.

After just one school year away from Cali, you can tell that people grow to who they truely are. But yet, everyday, people are growing to who they are and who they want to become.

Fucking done with the amount of stress and drama that is on my back right now. I want it to be over no matter that the weekend is coming up I want the drama to go away since I some how get in the middle of it and then I have to defend myself and I am done with the fucking bullshit. I try and chill or get drunk to get the stress away but it seems not to work since it is always there the next day. I want to be drama free for once in my life. I also want to be stress free. The amount of pressure that is on me from my family is insane. I have to set the “example” for my younger cousins that are doing things that are going to fuck up their lives in the future. They dont think about the consquences that are going to be waiting for them when they do it. They just do it and then think about it when the consquences are there right in front of them. My cousins need to get there shit together and make something of themselves and get away from the bad influences and go to college and make a better future for themselves.